Prelude to a Kiss
by eLynda
Summary: Now officially AU-this was my guess at what might be coming up on 3.13 "Knockdown."  I'm not changing the story, just this description-I think the emotions behind it are still relevant, and who knows but chapter 3 might be okay yet. *Story is complete*
1. Chapter 1  Prelude

Spoilers to episodes 3.12 _Poof, You're Dead _and 3.13 _Knockdown_, so if you don't know what's about to happen and don't want to know, skip this story for now. The title of my story has nothing to do with the movie by the same title (I haven't seen it) but it came to me as a great way to think of the cover kiss. I'm going with the prevailing theory that there are two kisses, and in my imagination the first one is a cover; that's the six second clip I've seen online with her approaching him with a serious expression. In the kiss her eyes are open, looking all around. The second is the one we've seen in the promo clip aired at the end of _Castle_ where she is laughing and he approaches her, so I'm guessing that's going to occur after everything has been resolved. This is my take on the first kiss only—if you're interested I'll attempt to write another chapter about the second kiss.

Please read and review. This is my first fanfiction (I just couldn't help myself!) so constructive criticism is appreciated. Please, no flames.

_Castle_ and its characters do not belong to me and no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just enjoying some time with a few of my favorite characters. The story is mine, however.

_**Prelude to a Kiss**_

Focus, Castle. _Focus_.

This was just for the case, a diversion. But, oh, what a diversion! How in the world was he supposed to think about what was going on down the way when his lips were at last on hers? He had dreamed of this for a very long time. Occasionally he imagined this moment while his mind wandered during the daytime, though he tried to put it out of his thoughts when around Kate. More and more often, though, he thought of her when he slept, while his defenses were down and his mind pushed past the barriers he had built up during his waking hours.

This was nothing like what he had imagined, however. When he had let himself think about what it might be like to kiss her, he had wanted it to be special, meaningful, unforgettable. He wanted it to be a kiss he could pour his pent-up emotions into, to let Kate know that what he felt for her was genuine and lasting; he didn't want her to ever doubt that she was unlike any of the others. Never had he imagined that when he finally kissed Kate Beckett it would be nothing but a pretense. Not that the kiss wasn't real in the sense of lips connecting, but any kiss he had to hold back on was only an illusion; it wasn't an authentic kiss because it could not convey the depth of emotion he felt for Kate.

But this was not the time; not to tell her, and not to show her. This kiss could not be genuine, no matter how much he longed for his dreams to become reality. This was just a cover kiss—a mere performance for the man out there, the one they believed was at least partly responsible for taking Kate's mother from her.

The thought that he might never have the chance to _really_ kiss her grieved him until he realized that this kiss still held enormous potential: in truth it could be a prelude of sorts; a short taste of something far more important, an introduction to how much he loved her. And perhaps, even in her distraction with the case, a part of his kiss might linger in her mind to make her wonder if maybe there was more to it than just a spur of the moment screen for their true purpose in being here.

Rick would do anything for this extraordinary woman, anything including this counterfeit kiss, to give her the chance to have some closure on that very painful chapter in her life. Even if it cost him that final portion of his heart, it would be worth it to see her smile again when her mother's killer was finally behind bars. Truth be told, he had already lost his heart a long time ago, _and_ in its entirety. That why he and Gina hadn't worked out yet again; she wasn't the one he wanted. Kate was. No other would suffice, and he was going to stop trying to replace her in his heart.

There would be time for this dream to become reality later. He hoped. He just had to find the right moment.


	2. Chapter 2  Interlude

Author's Note: see notes on chapter one for a complete explanation. Contains spoilers to episodes 3.12 _Poof, You're Dead _and 3.13 _Knockdown_, so if you don't know what's about to happen and don't want to know, skip this story for now. I'm sticking with the musical theme since it seems to work with what's coming out of this story. This chapter is still about the cover kiss (the six second online clip—_not _the promo that aired at the end of the last _Castle _episode) but from Beckett's perspective this time.

Disclaimer: Once again, _Castle_ and its characters do not belong to me and no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just enjoying some time with a few of my favorite characters. The story is mine, however.

_**Interlude—the Space Between**_

"Kate? Earth to Beckett? Girl, where are you today?" Lanie's voice penetrated Kate's fog.

She shook her head in an attempt to refocus on Lanie. "Sorry. What was that?"

She gave Kate that look. "So, what has Castle done now?"

"What makes you think this has anything to do with Castle?"

"I'm not as blind as you think I am!"

_Neither am I_, thought Kate_, but I'll let you keep your secret a little bit longer. _

Truth was, Lanie was right, she _had_ been thinking of him just then. She couldn't stop. Ever since that ill-advised cover when she had demanded that a very stunned Rick Castle kiss her. "_K-Kiss_ you?" He almost croaked out the words. She could tell he was taken aback by her request because the expected witty comeback never materialized. It would have been funny if she hadn't been so serious at that moment; they were just about to be discovered following their suspect. "Castle," she ground out, "just _do_ it!" Still, he hesitated, his eyes asking if she meant what she said. He moved closer to her but wasn't going to initiate any kind of contact without some careful consideration. She glanced over his shoulder and saw their suspect looking in their direction, possibly questioning who might be watching him from down the way. With only a momentary hesitation, she silently pleaded with him to understand why she had to do what she was about to do. _No time to make sure you're okay with this. Sorry, Castle. _And then she'd lunged for him. Despite the fact that she'd told him her intent, he momentarily froze when their lips connected. To his credit, though, he recovered nicely, wrapping his arms around her, drawing them closer together. She moved her hands up to his shoulders, keeping an eye on the suspect all the while. Castle was doing a good job of selling it. _Thank you, Castle. _This case was too important to risk one misstep allowing her mother's killer to go free. Beckett's open eyes saw the man begin moving again. Their ruse had worked. Time to go, but now with a more discreet distance between them and the man they were tailing.

Despite the fact that this painful and very personal case had at last been closed with everything tied up nicely, Kate still felt uneasy. At first, she tried to blame it on her years of being a detective; had she missed anything? Was there any way these guys could get off? It took her some time to realize, or maybe just to acknowledge, that it had nothing to do with the hole in her heart that she'd carried around for so long after losing her mother. Thanks to Castle's help, her mother's killers were behind bars.

And not only had he helped her this time, but before, when they were just beginning to understand who the other was. "Castle, you touch my mom's case and you and I are done. Do you understand?" Oh, she had been angry with him in that moment. Yet, despite that, he had risked their very relationship to help her, even when she didn't want his help. She didn't know at the time that she could begin to face the pain of that day, and her subsequent failure to catch the killer. She had threatened him believing that the possibility of losing the inspiration for his new character would be enough to stop him from inadvertently reopening wounds that had barely begun to heal. This wasn't another case to provide fodder for his _Nikki Heat _novel, this was real life—_her_ life. She understood now that he hadn't been using her mother's case, but attempting to help her catch the killers and provide the closure he realized she hadn't yet obtained.

No, the reason she still felt something was lacking was because she refused to face the facts. _Ironic_, she thought. _A police detective trying to ignore the facts, or one fact in particular: Richard Castle._ Their kiss kept replaying in her mind, like a melody that wouldn't leave, even though she tried to replace it with something else, _anything_ else. The crazy part was that it wasn't even _real_! It was just a cover! But she couldn't deny it any longer: when they broke apart that night after the cover had been successful, Kate had been momentarily stunned. It was as if she had been plugged into a wall outlet—every part of her was alive and vibrant. Castle had done that to her. At the time, she'd chalked it up to a high from the case, to being that close to putting away those behind her mother's murder. It was the thrill of the hunt, so to speak. There just wasn't time to consider anything other than that.

But after it was all over, she'd had plenty of time to experience that moment over and over again in her mind. Odd that it wasn't the interrogation room or the sound of a closing cell door that she relived, but kissing Rick. The more she replayed the scene, the clearer it became to Kate that a part of her didn't want to let him go, even at the time. Sure, it had just been a cover, but she wanted to revel in his kiss, just a bit. But there hadn't been time. When she slept, however, and he kissed her again in her dreams, there was no one they were after and no hurry to get back to work.

She'd known she wanted to try a more personal relationship with him for a while, now; Kate had been on the verge of telling him so before he went to the Hamptons. But she was interrupted in her confession by Gina's arrival. And their departure. For the summer. _Together_. Suddenly, he wasn't hers to lose anymore, despite what her coworkers and friends had been trying to tell her.

That was where things had stood, until she'd seen him finally take a call from Gina after avoiding her throughout the Drake case. Kate had heard his voice and stopped to listen. "No, no. What I'm saying is—it's over." She hadn't meant to eavesdrop on his private conversation; she'd only wanted a cold drink. But when she heard what he said and knew who had been on the other end of the line, it was like a blow to her midsection. Kate tried to process the information, closed her eyes, then finally shook her head and silently walked away. Part of her wanted to tell him that she had heard. She invited him to join her that evening, hoping for a chance to speak privately. She was stopped from asking any questions, however, by his words as they left the precinct: "hey, I wanted to say thanks, for um, not mentioning that article or asking what was going on." Kate decided that just like the article, he might appreciate some space to process what had just happened. If he wanted to talk to her about it he would and she resolved to let him do it on his own terms and in his own timing.

And then there was something else holding her back: Dr. Motorcycle Boy. She smiled slightly as she borrowed Castle's nickname for Josh, then sobered. She owed it to him to end it before she dared pursue anything with Rick, even a deeper friendship. Doing otherwise would feel like cheating. Hadn't she learned her lesson with Tom Demming? She could try a relationship with someone else, but it seemed her heart was already taken by another. It wasn't fair to compare any other man to Rick Castle; he was one of a kind.

Kate intended to talk to Josh that evening. But he was on shift, and she stayed out late talking with Castle, eating macaroni and cheese and warm biscuits. Days passed and the time was never right. Part of her was scared, no doubt; Josh was safe, a doctor, with just enough bad boy in him to make things exciting. Ultimately, though, she knew it was over; there was no denying that he wasn't who her heart wanted. Josh was great, but he wasn't the guy for her. No man could be except Rick. She was finally ready to admit that he already occupied every part of her heart, and there was just no getting around it.


	3. Chapter 3  Exposition

Author's Note: see notes on chapter one for a complete explanation. Contains spoilers to episodes 3.11 _Nikki Heat_, 3.12 _Poof, You're Dead _and 3.13 _Knockdown_, so if you don't know what's about to happen and don't want to know, skip this story for now. I'm sticking with the musical theme since it seems to work with what's coming out of this story.

This chapter is about what I'm considering the real kiss—the promo piece we saw at the end of the last two _Castle _episodes. It's considerably shorter, but also looks "real."

I want to thank "Nathan fan" here: your review on the first chapter made me go back and watch for Castle's exact "light bulb moment." That part of the story stems from your comment. I hadn't been thinking in terms of a specific moment until then, but it's perfect and fit right in with this chapter! Thanks!

Disclaimer: Once again, _Castle_ and its characters do not belong to me and no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just enjoying some time with a few of my favorite characters. The story is mine, however.

_**Exposition—a New Beginning**_

_Now what? _It had been a few days, and Kate gave absolutely no indication that the cover kiss had affected her in any way at all. Perhaps he _was _ruggedly handsome, but his kiss did nothing for her? She hadn't been awkward around him, and she wasn't warmer towards him; she wasn't _any_thing other than herself. He allowed himself a small smile. At least she hadn't distanced herself from him.

"What's that look about, Castle?" Kate's voice broke into his reverie.

"Hmmm?" was his noncommittal response.

She already thought he'd been acting strange anyway, like when they worked together to figure out that Christian Dahl might still be alive. Come to think of it, it was later that same night that he'd taken Gina's phone call, too. He was probably just wondering if he'd made a mistake in ending things with Gina.

Well, thankfully the day was over. She could get away and be with her own thoughts for a while. It was a bit exhausting being with Rick all of the time, pretending that nothing was different after she had acknowledged in her heart just how deep her feelings ran. Actually, nothing _was_ different; he still hadn't told her about Gina and she hadn't told him about Josh. Until that happened, it was status quo—just another day at the office. Well, life was never quite that mundane with Castle around. She stood from her chair and started putting on her coat.

"So, where has Dr. Motorcycle Boy been lately? I haven't seen him around for a while. I thought the late shift was what interns are for, but he seems to be pulling a lot of them."

Kate straightened some things on her desk. "I wouldn't know. We haven't been seeing each other for a while now."

Castle winced. "I'm sorry, Kate. I didn't mean to be insensitive." Actually, he was only sorry if she was upset; he never liked to see her in pain and she'd had enough of that recently with closing her mother's case. Her smiles had returned, but they didn't quite reach her eyes and Rick feared it was the ended relationship with Josh that weighed heavily on her mind. It would be a lie, however, to say he was sorry she wasn't with Josh anymore. He was hard pressed not to leap into the air and kick his heels together in delight. Once she was over the good doctor, Rick would finally feel free to tell her the truth about how he felt about her. "Are you okay with it?"

"Yeah." She gave a soft smile, and then looked away, afraid that he could read in her eyes what she wouldn't say. "I realized that he wasn't really what I was looking for. It wasn't fair to him either, so we broke it off." Part of her _wanted_ him to understand what she wasn't saying: _you're what I'm looking for. I know that now. _The other part of her was scared to death. He still had not told her about Gina.

"Hey, I know! How about we go for some hot chocolate? I could stand something warm myself."

She looked back up at him and replied, "I'd like that."

They stepped into the chilly January air and began walking briskly toward their destination, a small coffee shop a few blocks away from the precinct. Castle was searching for something to talk about to draw her out of her quietude. "I'm sorry," he began again.

"For what, Castle?"

"For making a joke about something serious. I didn't know."

"I know you didn't, Rick. There's nothing to be sorry for. I'm fine, really."

_Rick. She called me Rick. Not Castle. _What did that mean?

"I guess I'd meant to tell you for a while, but I didn't want an audience around. It's my fault for waiting so long." That was all she could bring herself to say at this point. She couldn't tell him everything that was on her mind; there was some kind of mental block keeping her from speaking the entirety of her feelings. It must be the memory of when she'd attempted to tell him she was ready to give them a try before, when Gina interrupted. Oh, that had been humiliating, knowing the others had seen him leave with someone else. _Why hadn't he told her he and Gina had split, yet?_ She was still coming between them, even though he was free.

"It's hard, you know. I'm a writer but there are times when the words just won't come for whatever reason. Other times, I can't shut up."

Beckett chuckled, "Tell me about it."

"Hey! I'm serious, now. I've wanted to talk to you about something for a while, but never really found the right time, either."

"Really?" Her heart began beating erratically.

"Actually, it's related to your news. Well, not related, exactly, but similar. Gina and I ended it, too. The night I at last took her call, it was to tell her that we were over."

_Finally!_ Did this mean that maybe they had a chance?

"I know," she stated simply.

"You knew? Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was giving you your space—you hadn't wanted to talk about the article and I figured I'd let you tell me in your own timing. You thanked me for staying out of it. I didn't want to follow that up by intruding on your privacy."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you that impression. I just got tired of everyone harassing me about my love life. You hadn't pried, so I wanted you to know I appreciated it. But that didn't mean _your_ questions would have necessarily been unwelcome." He paused, looking for the right words. "Our friendship is a bit different; I'd like to think closer."

"Well if that's the case, do you mind if I ask why you ended it?"

Castle cleared his throat. How much should he tell her? "I realized that she wasn't who I wanted to be with."

Rick and Kate sat in the coffee shop for a long while. Thankfully, they were accustomed to taking care of the police officers and detectives down the street and as a result were open all night.

"That was a stroke of genius, by the way, to get him to confess. Very Banquo's ghost haunting Macbeth and all of that. Did you see the look on his face? I still can't believe that actually worked!" Castle slapped his hand down on the table, a huge grin splitting his face.

"It felt good to put him away. It's the arrogant ones that really frustrate me. He thought he had it all covered, and then using a trick of mirror and lights, he crumbled."

"That's one of the reasons why I love," his voice faltered, and he cleared his throat. He held up his index finger indicating he needed a moment and then took a sip of his third refill of hot chocolate. "Working with you. You're full of surprises."

She smiled. "I wouldn't want you to lose interest." She stammered, trying to get her brain and tongue in concert. "I-In Nikki Heat, that is. If I were boring, I might have her demise on my conscience, and I wouldn't want that." She felt a bit of a blush warming her cheeks. _I'm not sixteen here! Get a grip! _

"Nahhh. Not likely, Detective. Besides, I've got great side material. There is never a dull moment around that place. I could always create a couple like Lanie and Esposito—can you believe they think we're so clueless that he actually kissed her right after we left? Bold, man, bold. But to be fair, we might have missed that little lip lock if you hadn't gone back to ask a question about what she'd told us. Good thing they were too distracted to hear our footsteps returning; now _that_ could have been awkward!"

For whatever reason, maybe talking about someone else's love life, Kate finally relaxed enough to laugh. She decided to enjoy the evening, the hot chocolate and Rick's company. Everything was out in the open about their respective relationships now. She resolved not to worry about _their_ developing relationship; it would all work out eventually. She finally felt like herself again; better: she was whole once more. The cloud that had descended onto her life when she reopened her mother's case had dissipated at last.

Rick looked closely at Kate's face. The laugh was genuine, cleansing. _That has to be one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard_. The smile was reaching her eyes once more. Watching her expression and the light in her eyes mesmerized him—Kate was absolutely breathtaking tonight. This was it, the opportunity he had been waiting for. There was no case and no audience, only the two of them. He could tell she was ready to hear his heart at last. Rick reached across the table and brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face and tucked it gently behind her ear.

"What, Castle?"

"Nothing." He smiled. "Are you about ready to head out?" He didn't necessarily want to attract any spectators, either; someone they knew from the department could walk in at any time with their own craving for some hot chocolate.

She was a bit stunned by his sudden turn. "Yeah, sure."

As they exited the coffee shop, they drew their coats closer around them. The temperature had dropped. He grabbed a hold of her hand as they resumed their walk and said, "I haven't heard you do that in a while. Just let go and laugh. I'm glad you're getting back to yourself."

"You know, for the first time in a long time, I feel like myself. Thanks, Rick." Her voice softened. "I don't think I've ever told you that, 'thanks,' I mean. Did you know that before I met you, I had already read all of your books? I even have one that's autographed. They were one of the things that helped me get through my mom's death. Then there's everything you've done since we've been working together. I can't tell you what your help has meant to me. You stuck by me despite my rants and general irritableness, not just now but before, when I tried to push you away and even more than that, when I threatened you. I'm sorry."

He halted his steps but didn't release her hand, forcing her to stop and turn to face him. He looked directly into her eyes. He smiled and his entire face lit up; she loved that smile. "Don't be. You were working through it the only way you knew how. I'm just glad you finally allowed me to be your partner."

She relished the sound of the word partner. Yes, he was her partner, whether he carried a gun or not; after all, he had watched her back more times than she could count. The moment became magnetic. Neither one of them spoke and neither one could look away. Why did he have such a hard time finding the words that would tell her how he felt? Rick Castle, paid writer, speechless; what kind of crazy contradiction was that? He knew he had to say something, anything. Out of his mouth poured the most eloquent words he had at his disposal: "wow, it's getting late."

It was too much for Kate: the laughter she'd often thought she'd lost forever bubbled up from deep within her and she couldn't keep it in. Leave it to Castle to say something absurd in a moment like this. Watching her reaction, Rick forgot to breathe. She was absolutely stunning. The words still wouldn't come, though, so he finally gave up trying to speak. He closed the distance between them, brushed his fingers along her cheek and drew her in with a slight tug. He saw a moment of surprise register, and then knew she was ready as he felt her take a step closer to him, too.

The moment was so much more than he expected. Their lips met gently at first, then as they each sensed the other respond it increased in intensity. The cold air faded away and all that was left was for him to show her all that he couldn't yet say with words. He _loved_ her. There was never anyone like her and no one could ever replace her. He put every ounce of emotion into this kiss; everything that had been held back in the cover, as well as the growth in his feelings for her since then; they were both free now and there was nothing to hold them back.

When they broke apart, he rested his forehead against hers and neither one of them moved. Suddenly the dam within him broke and he found his words once more. He couldn't keep silent now if he tried. Rick moved both hands up to cup her face and looked directly into her eyes—he wanted her to hear every word he had to say and make sure that she understood him. "It's always been you, you know. Since the first day I met you, there hasn't been a woman I've seen that hasn't been a mere shadow of you in some way. But I thought there was no possibility for the two of us to work out—you kept pushing me away, telling me you weren't interested with every other man you dated. So _I_ tried seeing other people. It took Natalie for me to realize that an imitation wasn't what I wanted; she assumed your mannerisms, hair, and clothing, but she still _wasn't you_. When she kissed me, all I could think was that it _wasn't you_, and it _had_ to be you or nothing. I was tired of the shadows.

"We're on the same wavelength. Remember that moment while we were solving the Drake case? We were finishing each other's sentences, playing ideas off of each other, totally in tune. We're a great team and I think that would be the case in more than just solving crimes. You asked what that look was about, but you should know it had nothing to do with the case: that was when I knew without a doubt that Gina and I were through; I'd decided that I needed to tell her we were done because I realized I was looking at my future, right there in front of me. Even if you weren't available, I'd wait as long as it took for the genuine article. I had to look away then, because I wanted to tell you all of this and kiss you without any other delays. I really couldn't have cared less about Dahl at that moment; my attention was mostly focused on you and the steps I needed to take in order to give us a chance."

She tried to speak, but he silenced her with a finger to her lips. "Let me finish. You gave me hope, when we were talking about Lanie and Esposito with Ryan that night, saying that the bubble didn't ever have to burst, not if you're in it with the right person. I knew then that you might be open to trying a little bubble of our own, but first I had to be free to tell you all of this." He put his arms around her waist and drew her close once more. "What do you say, Kate? Can we give it a try?"

Her answer was a brilliant smile and a meeting of their lips once more. Slowly, she allowed her defenses to fall completely as she put the entirety of her heart into it: all of the resolved doubts and even her remaining fears. She was letting him see everything, absolutely vulnerable. But she realized that the barriers had to be removed entirely so that Rick would see she was all in: she loved him, and he needed to know that. Now Kate fully understood that her life was not what had happened to her in the past, but what was happening now and what the future could be with this man. It took them a long time to get here, but now it looked as if they were finally ready to move forward.


End file.
